The Science And Art Of Banagma: Preliminary Results

Since the dawn of time, one question has plagued mankind above all others: “What happens when you burn fruit?”

Together with other researchers from northern Arizona and the Dinosaur Discovery center in St. George, I set out to answer this question a month ago in Lisbon Valley, southern Utah. We chose this remote location due to the dangerous nature of the experiments (building big campfires while totally shitfaced). The experiments were very demanding and took a whole week.

The primary researchers were Tyler Birthisel, Rob Gay and myself, although we had assistance from Andrew Milner, Sarah Spears, and several others. Most of us were drunk. One member of the group prepared for the experiments by drinking most of a bottle of Jameson the night before I arrived, but the results were not conclusive as no fruit was actually burned and fruit burning didn’t actually factor into it at all. Also, getting really sick isn't really a result. They were just drinking. Who was it? I’m not going to say. The important thing is that she tried.

Bananas were chosen as the primary focus, because we were sitting around the fire and there happened to be bananas there and we were like, “Hey, I wonder what would happened if we put those in the fire?” So we did. Initial experiments were sloppy as the bananas were simply carelessly placed in the fire. They blackened and exuded a molten hot fruit semi-liquid which we decided to call “banagma.” We also decided to refer to the act of placing bananas in the fire to burn them as “banagma.”

Please note that a banana placed in the fire is not referred to as a “banagma.” It is just a banana that is burning. What are you, a fucking weirdo?

Subsequent experiments were more rigorous. We made observations while Tyler made carefully recorded our observations, which I timed with a stopwatch. He also carefully recorded our terminology, which we developed during the course of the experiment.

Additional experiments were attempted with tomatoes and a coconut, but they were uninspiring. The coconut was especially disappointing. We were hoping for an explosion, and got nothing; it just burned for a while, and then cracked open and leaked. Mike Getty cut it up and we ate it, and it was totally shit.

During the day, we occupied ourselves looking for fossils and measuring sections. Lisbon Valley has some interesting exposures of the Chinle Formation, which were deposited near the edge of the depositional basin during Late Triassic time. It only preserves the upper part of the Chinle Formation section (the Church Rock Member and an associated package of channel sandstones and mudstones called the Kane Springs beds), which lapped up against the edge of the Ancestral Rockies towards the end of the Chinle depositional sequence. They got some great fossil fish and trackways, and some phytosaur material. So we learned some things about Late Triassic paleontology and geology too.

Incidentally, Google tells me that “Banagma” is the name of a prostate researcher. I don’t know if that is important or not.

p.s. Tyler is an excellent field cook and made me awesome breakfasts and dinners all week, which I rewarded by sending him a huge box of gummy bears. Tyler likes gummy bears.